Running Mind Games

Psst. Yeah, you. Can you keep a secret? Promise not to tell my body? Good. Here’s the deal:

I’ve started running again. But it’s more than that. I am trying to start training again.

My muscles don’t seem to be in shape for anything serious at the moment. To be honest, they seem more than a bit resistant. The struggle I have been encountering on my runs lately basically is part of paying the bill for my winter of healing injuries and slothfulness.

As far as training goes, my mind is willing, but my body is weak. And my muscles are as tight as ever, but I’ll leave that issue for another post.

So, the idea is to hide the truth from my body that this return to the road is anything more than just a few casual jogs. “Come on now, let’s go out for a bit of a stroll, maybe a fast stroll,” my mind coaxes. “Just a bit longer now. You can do it.”

By the time my body figures out what really is going on, I hope it will be in such decent running shape that it once again will be willing to participate.

Think this all sounds crazy? Maybe. Probably. RunnerSusan kind of gave me the idea, though, when she talked recently about her fears that her old house rebelled against her with a burst-pipe, floor-soaking tantrum. The house, she wrote in a post titled "My Advice to You," turned against her when it sensed imminent abandonment because she was moving to a new house.

Susan, and her wooden floors seem to be recovering. But she did advise that discretion – in front of your current home -- is extremely important for anyone else preparing to move.

I think the advice applies to stubbornly out-of-shape bodies reluctant to resume training.

Besides, I am not the only one wrestling with running mind games. Little Miss Runner Pants perfectly captured the sense that a runner has a voice whispering in one ear, feeding the part of you that says, "i loathe running. i hate it. i really do.” Then there is the other voice on the opposite shoulder leading you to the realization that “but ya know what? i hate it, in that way that i love it.”

Not really sure what I am training for, but I want to put my miles on the road toward a larger goal. Sure, I usually enjoy the running. Keeping my heart pumping also seems like a worthy cause. But steadily running three, four days a week for the sake of the run and only the run just isn’t the same as what I experienced last year.

While my marathon attempt ended in a bit of a debacle last year, the training was amazing.

As I logged miles over the summer and early fall, I was filled with such an intense sense of purpose. It was a powerful motivator. It helped me overcome the misery of long runs on days so hot and humid that I felt as if I were breathing water. Hot, hot, water.

Now as I have resumed running, I am finding it more difficult to go out for a couple miles at this stage than I did last year when I was cranking out 10, 12 or even 18 miles at a time. I also did a couple 20 milers, but I can’t say I did those with ease.

While the running was somewhat of a struggle, today was a glorious day for a run. Forty-eight degrees and bright sunshine. A steady 34-minute workout and a good way to cap off the week.

Now don’t tell my body about my plans to go even longer next weekend.